


A Dyeing Disaster

by QueerCrusader



Series: Keep Sirius Away From Harry's Hair - a Saga [2]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Crack, Domestic Fluff, Fluff, Fluff and Crack, M/M, Raising Harry Potter, Toddler Harry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-19
Updated: 2018-06-19
Packaged: 2019-05-25 14:26:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,767
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14979086
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QueerCrusader/pseuds/QueerCrusader
Summary: The saga continues. Sirius attempts to dye young Harry's hair.Attempts.





	A Dyeing Disaster

**Author's Note:**

> A sequel to "Time For a Haircut", but you can read it as a stand-alone. Hope you all enjoy!

“I hate you.”

Sirius rolled his eyes so hard he nearly pulled a muscle, but Remus just smacked him in the head for the childish gesture. “Ow! Overdramatic much, all I’m saying.”

“Says the punk rebel who has never cared for how radical he looks! At least I care whether or not I look presentable! Which, you know, since _someone_ has to earn money in this house…”

Sirius raised his eyebrow at that. “You know I inherited money, right? We’re not gonna starve.”

From Harry’s room, soft noises started flowing through the open door, and both men’s heads whipped around to the source. With a wave of his wand Remus gently closed the door. “All I’m saying,” he argued at a softer tone, “is that I’d like to be able to move around in semi-respectable society. Which is hard enough as it is, me being me and you being… well, you.”

“Now, now, Moony, no need to drag your furry little problem into this,” Sirius commented loftily, this time avoiding the slap aimed at his head. “Besides, I think you look _stellar_.”

Remus didn’t answer, deeming that comment only worthy of a good stink-eye. He turned away from Sirius to look in the mirror again, ready for another wave of self-pity. As soon as Sirius caught sight of the back of his lover’s head however, he burst out into howls of laughter.

The men had tried, after much begging from Sirius, to give little Harry a makeover. It had turned out to be a rather fun project, and surprisingly Sirius actually hadn’t been too bad with the scissors from what Remus could gather. However, it had been the dyeing where things had gone disastrously wrong.

Although they had used a detailed set of steps from an old issue of _Witch Weekly_ , one thing they hadn’t prepared for was what would happen if the colouring spell hit a glamour. Now, there wasn’t meant to _be_ a glamour on Harry, as far as Remus knew. _However…_

After seeing Sirius gently start trimming Harry’s hair, Remus had made the mistake of trusting his lover with the four-year-old, thinking it would turn out alright. Upon returning to the flat, Harry’s hair had looked short and quite neatly trimmed, like something any hairdresser worth their salt would have produced. Except this wasn’t any hairdresser. This was Sirius flipping Black. Padfoot. Snuffles. Marauder, Gryffindor and official pain in the arse.

Whatever Sirius had done, he’d hid it under a well-constructed glamour, hoping the colouring would bypass it and dye Harry’s true haircut. To make sure it would manage this, he’d given the spell a little extra _zing_ , as he’d put it.

The explosion really had been quite spectacular.

Harry had quickly been put to bed with a mild sleeping draught in the hopes of reducing any trauma while the men had gone to work cleaning the flat. Magically induced colour turned out to be relatively easy to clean off objects and flat surfaces. Hair on the other hand was a different story. To remove it, you had to go hair by hair. Now, the result was bad, but neither man was desperate enough to go through that amount of effort.

Now that they were done panic-cleaning and panic-parenting, they’d gotten a chance to properly look at each other. And what they saw wasn’t to Remus’ liking _one bit_. Sirius on the other hand was having the time of his life.

Sirius’ stubble seemed streaked with purple lightning splatters and his hair infused with rich hues of night sky just before dawn, black and purple fusing surprisingly beautifully. Remus on the other hand looked an absolute _mess_.

The colour was a lot brighter on his lighter hair, colouring one of his eyebrows and even some eyelashes a bright magenta. His hair was standing up in tufts, some bits looking frazzled with the power. It was not as thick and strong as Sirius’, and it had clearly been fried a little by the strength of the spell. But the best, the _best thing_ about it if you asked Sirius, was the gigantic splotches that had bounced off the ceiling and dripped down onto the back of Remus’ head, creating what could be interpreted by some as an upside-down love heart, while the more keen-eyed (or childish) observer could more accurately interpret it as either a bum or perhaps a dangling hairy pair.

Sirius wasn’t gonna specify what kind of pair out loud, not willing to risk quite that level of wrath from his lover.

“Well, look at it this way,” he hiccupped while wiping away the tears streaming down his cheeks, “your furry problem has become a lot less scary!”

Remus’ eyes widened at that. “Merlin, don’t tell me the colour stained my transformation,” he whispered, turning pale. As if it mattered what his werewolf self looked like. But Sirius had known for a while now that his partner had insecurities, some making a little less sense than others. He’d never love Remus any less for it.

“Well, I guess we can find out one way,” he replied cheerfully. Just as he started shifting, the door to Harry’s room opened, and two still-sleepy green eyes appeared. The moment Padfoot’s paws hit the floor with a soft thud, both Harry and Remus cracked up.

It turned out that dog hair didn’t take well to the colouring at all. Where Sirius’ human hair had looked rather beautiful and oddly fitting, Padfoot’s fur had turned to a patchwork quilt of shaggy black, silky hot pink and actual bald patches. The animagus let out a panicked bark as he watched tufts of fur shed and fall down to the living room floor, nipping at them as if preventing them from hitting the floor would fix it.

“Oh, now, that really shouldn’t be as funny as it is,” Remus wheezed, and Harry clapped and giggled as he watched Padfoot spin in nervous little circles.

“You look so ugly!” the toddler cried in joy, and Remus broke into a whole new set of giggle fits as Padfoot turned his gaze, which contained a mixture of sheer panic and indignance, to Harry. With a little yappy bark he bounced over to the boy and sat on him, his tail thumping with a hint of pride as Harry laughed underneath.

“Bad Padfoot!” Remus laughed, but Harry shook his head vigorously.

“His name isn’t Padfoot anymore! It’s _Patches_!”

The two fell over with more bouts of laughter at that, while poor Padfoot whined, laying his paws over his snout in defeat.

“Oh come on now, Pads, it’s not that bad,” Remus finally managed to bring out. “Change back and help me clean the place, you vain idiot.”

But the dog shook his large head, clearly pouting. Remus huffed, shaking his own head.

“Alright, so we don’t get to see if the hair loss stays when you turn back,” he laughed before turning serious. “I suppose we could check what’s under Harry’s glamour instead.”

With a panicked bark Padfoot shifted his butt, tail draping over Harry’s head. The toddler laughed harder, but Remus crossed his arms. That was never a good sign.

“Padfoot…” he warned, now starting to tap his foot. The next step towards doom. Padfoot wouldn’t budge though, refusing to reveal what had led to the near ruin of their flat and hair.

“Harry?”

“Yes?” the toddler piped up cheerfully from under a slowly growing mountain of fur. Padfoot’s tail was looking more like a rats by the minute.

“How do you feel about the haircut daddy gave you?”

Harry’s face lit up at that question. He’d clearly been waiting for it. “It’s _rad_!” he cried out, evidently proud of himself for saying it right. Something told Remus those weren’t fully the boy’s own words. He raised an eyebrow at Padfoot, who let out a soft whine.

“Rad, eh? Would you like to show me too? Daddy’s been hiding it from me using a spell.”

Harry nodded sagely. “He says you might get angry, but he told me you tend to unstate things and they are way cooler than you say or think.”

“Understate?” Remus asked, and Harry nodded again. Hmm. Was that so?

With an impatient little shove he manoeuvred the stubborn dog aside, ignoring the indignant yelp he got in return. “This might tickle,” he told his godson, pointing his wand at the boy’s hair.

With a few strokes the glamour faded away, and the truth was revealed. Remus looked at it, staying very still, ignoring Padfoot’s soft little whines.

“Do you like it, dad?” Harry asked with excited eyes. Remus stayed still for a moment before turning his eyes to Padfoot, who by now looked like a very old mouldy feather boa. He spoke his next words frightfully calmly.

“I’m building a doghouse. And I’m putting you in it.”

A limp mohawk. Even worse, a limp mohawk leading into a little toddler mullet. Sirius had said he wanted to divert attention from Harry’s scar. Remus had joked he would induce the need to vomit. It turned out he’d been awfully close to the truth.

“Well,” he finally answered Harry, picking him up with both hands and brushing the soft pink fur off him, “it’s certainly different. But I think I’m going to have to call your school tomorrow and tell them you’re sick. Your classmates aren’t ready to see so much ‘rad-ness’ yet.”

As he carried the toddler back to bed, he turned to glare once more at Padfoot, who shrunk away.

_I’ve got my eye on you,_ he mouthed. Though the way Padfoot looked right now, he really, _really_ wished he didn’t.

That night, when Sirius had finally turned human again and had come creeping back to Remus under the guise of darkness, sliding under the blankets without a word, Remus had found it hard to remain angry. The two men loved each other, and despite everything, no harm had been done; they’d simply had a good laugh about it all. With a sigh he wrapped his arm around his lover’s waist, pulling him close.

“You big hairy idiot,” he whispered against the back of Sirius’ head, nuzzling his neck and placing soft kisses there.

“Actually,” Sirius replied quietly, “upon… _close_ investigation, I think you may find I’m not quite as hairy in some places anymore…”

Remus stilled at that, thinking for a moment before shrugging. “Less maintenance,” he muttered. “Maybe this is the way to keep up human grooming in the future.”

He grinned into the dark, fully accepting the much-deserved elbow in the ribs that he received.

**Author's Note:**

> Come say hi on [tumblr](https://queer-crusader.tumblr.com/)!


End file.
